I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
