I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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