i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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