Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
