Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
