I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
