Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
