God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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