The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize