I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
