I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
