Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
