that's an acceptable place to lick
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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