in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
