I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
