It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
did i just pee glitter
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
