I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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