i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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