K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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