i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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