Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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