dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
