Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
