Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
