Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
