we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
