Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
