Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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