I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
