I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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