I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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