My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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