I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
