I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize