im six kinds of drunk right now
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
