wat bout pragnant strippers??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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