physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
whose parrot is this?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
