so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
