Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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