Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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