Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
