when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
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it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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