He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
