My first STD was from a foam party
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
