he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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