the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
