i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
