I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
