Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
