Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
