Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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