I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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