I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
