addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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