Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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