bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We left an ass print on the piano.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
