I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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