If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
