id be glad to
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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