5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
