i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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