If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
