Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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