it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
