i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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