i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
