Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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