i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
