Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
