I think my fart just growled at me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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