Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
