Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
