So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
