Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
