It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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