I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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